Whose Standards

Are excessively high standards hurting your self esteem? Low self esteem can be the result of trying to live up to unrealistic standards - usually ones we acquired early in life and which are no longer relevant.

Some questions to ponder:

• What are you really trying to achieve?
• Why is it so important?
• What about your other values? How well balanced is your perspective?
• Who are you trying to prove yourself to: your boss, father, mother, spouse?

Beware the Tyranny of The Shoulds - the enemy of self esteem.

I should...

• be earning much more money
• be the best provider for my family in the world
• be at the very top of my profession
• get all my work done on time always
• never make any mistakes...ever
• always make the right decisions
• always know exactly what to do
• always feel enthusiastic and energetic
• always win all my arguments with everyone
• always be on top of everything

What can you do about it?

• You no doubt have other Shoulds to beat yourself with
• But who says you have to be perfect? Or inhumanly invulnerable?
• Can you live up to your Shoulds AND maintain perspective
• Having excessively high standards is a no-win situation with you as the number one loser
• Unachievable standards = low self esteem = pushing yourself even harder
• Exerting even more effort and still failing = even lower self esteem
• Hence you are caught in a self-defeating vicious circle

To help you improve your self esteem, read some of these other pages:-

• What is self esteem?
• Do you have low self esteem?
• I don't like myself!
• What is healthy self esteem like?
• Self esteem and happiness
• Are you achieving success?
• Being born: The Greatest Gift
  

• Whose standards?
• How to talk to yourself
• Celebrate your strengths
• Self esteem and assertiveness
• Get feedback from others
• Do you like how you look?
• Finding fault and self esteem
• Low Self Esteem and Suicide?